Chesed and Interpersonal Mindfulness
Bein Adam Le-chavero:
Ethics of Interpersonal Conduct
By Rav
Binyamin Zimmerman
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This weeks
shiurim are dedicated by Joseph and Phyllis Eisenman
in honor of Judah L. Eisenman
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Shiur #01: Chesed and Interpersonal Mindfulness
Introduction
After spending a year investigating the principles upon which the Torahs
ethical philosophy stands, we hope to spend this year identifying the practical
aspects of interpersonal conduct that are shaped by this philosophy. The goal of these lessons is to
utilize ethical dilemmas that can highlight the guidance the Torahs
interpersonal mitzvot provide for weathering the crises in our quest for
the Torahs heightened moral perfection.
The difficulties raised by these dilemmas are often particularly troubling for
those who strive the most for ethical excellence.
While some may define righteous behavior as being a nice guy, it is the
ethically-minded person who realizes that distinguishing right from wrong is not
always easy. For instance, if one
notices another individual doing something suspicious, the caring individual
might give him the benefit of the doubt.
On the other hand, what if the suspect behavior is liable to endanger
others? Here, the individual who is
not quick to judge his friend is troubled, while another, less careful about not
falsely accusing another, will not be troubled by levying an accusation that may
prove false.
To better understand the source for many of these dilemmas and why they
predominantly affect ethically-minded individuals, it is worthwhile to
investigate the nature of the basis of chesed.
The Centrality of
Chesed (Kindness)
At the heart of ones interpersonal interactions stands the Jewish principle of
gemilut chasadim, performing acts of kindness. The centrality of chesed is
reflected in the mishna (Avot 1:2) which lists it as one of the
three pillars upon which the world stands, and it is echoed in the mishna
recited daily (Peia 1:1) which lists gemilut chasadim as one of
those meritorious pursuits for which there is benefit in this world that does
not detract from ones reward in the World to Come.
With this in mind, a clearer codified definition of the concept of chesed
should be very helpful in enabling us to clearly understand its importance and
its implications for personal interactions.
After all, God is referred to as rav chesed, abundant in
kindness (Shemot 34:6), and we are bidden to emulate His ways.
In most instances where the word chesed is mentioned in the Torah, it
seems to be in keeping with its ostensible definition, as expressed in Eliezers
plea to God while searching for a wife for Yitzchak. There the Torah states:
And he said, Lord, God of my master Avraham, may you arrange it for me this day
that you do chesed with my master Avraham. (Bereishit 24:12)
However, in a few instances, the classic translation of the word chesed
seems out of place, and in at least one case, even impossible. One gets the impression that these
usages imply not only a unique expression of the term, but force us to take a
deeper look into the overall meaning of the concept of chesed, and may
even compel us to redefine this all important term.
The Chesed Involved in a Forbidden Union
The most unique use of the word chesed, in a context totally unrelated to
kindness, may be found in the Torahs list of forbidden unions.
The verse states (Vayikra 20:17):
If a man takes his sister, the daughter of his father or the daughter of his
mother, and sees her nakedness, it is a chesed, and they shall be cut off
in the sight of the members of their people; having uncovered the nakedness of
his sister, he shall bear his iniquity.
Here the Torah refers to an
incestuous relationship with ones sister as chesed, while mentioning
that one who does so shall be cut off from the Jewish people. If we define chesed as
kindness, the prohibition would seem to be baseless, but if we do not define it
as kindness, then what is chesed all about?
The various commentators on the Torah take steps to explain this rather
out-of-the-ordinary use of chesed.
Rashi points out that chisuda, the Aramaic cognate of chesed,
means disgrace, which would seem to be the meaning of the term here,
describing the incest as disgraceful.
The Ramban states that though other commentators understand chesed in
this context as shame, he is of the opinion that this is not so. He explains that he feels that
chesed here refers to one who is supposed to act towards his sister with
tremendous kindness and instead violates her.
It is interesting to note, though, as Rashi and the Ramban point out, that
chesed only sometimes refers to kindness; at other times, its meaning is
just the opposite, disgrace or shame. A
number of commentators reflect on the fact that indeed, the attribute of
kindness has two sides to it, and uncontrolled chesed is actually
dangerous; this is why the term has dual meanings. The Radak explains that the word
chesed can mean either disgrace or kindness.
The two are related because the disgrace of immorality is the product of
overindulgence, being too quick to satisfy ones desires and uncommitted to
discipline.
With this understanding, one can see how chesed may be dangerous if left
uncontrolled. Avraham Avinu is
legendary for his chesed, yet two relatives who had close contact with
him, Lot and Yishmael, choose to live their lives very differently than he. In fact, one may even notice in these
individuals a lack of appreciation of true chesed, to the point of
devastating consequences. Lot has a
warped sense of chesed, preferring to protect his guests while
sacrificing his daughters. Yishmael,
Avrahams child, is deeply involved in illicit relationships, an outgrowth of
uncontrolled chesed.
Rav S.R. Hirsch similarly expresses the difficulty of the classic understanding
of chesed in this context and explains that the particular distinction of
chesed depends on whether it describes one who gives oneself up to
another (when not required to do so) or one who acts upon another.
Since chesed generally denotes the highest kindness, the meaning of the
term here is difficult to comprehend.
The basic meaning of chesed is personal devotion, giving of oneself. Where the term characterizes the
action of one who acts with chesed, it denotes the highest devotion to
the welfare of another
but where the term does not characterize the one who
acts, but rather characterizes an action whose object is another person, then
the term denotes the complete abandonment of the other person. To be chassed means to
completely abandon another.
Essentially chesed is characterized by overflowing, by disregarding
boundaries. The benefits of chesed are expressed in the idea of a
persons desire to give to another unlimitedly, in a selfless manner. However, uncontrolled chesed
can be devastating, as it allows a person to lose his appreciation of the proper
purpose of boundaries. For this reason, an illicit, even incestuous,
relationship can be referred to as an act of chesed, as it is an
outgrowth of unbounded behavior.
Chesed
and Yira: Noticing Others
Understanding the deeper aspects of chesed may help us make sense of an
interesting usage of chesed in the Gemara.
In a rather remarkable way, the Gemara (Sukka 49b) seems to link
chesed with yira, loosely translated as being in fear and awe of
God. But what do kindness and being
awestruck have to do with each other?
Are they not a twosome which at first glance seems completely
inexplicable?
A deeper look at the passage
may help shed some light on this subject:
Rabbi Elazar said: Anyone who performs charity properly is regarded as though
he has filled the whole world with chesed
Perhaps you will say that whoever attempts to leap to this lofty status may leap
and he will be successful? Scripture
therefore states How precious is your kindness, God (Tehillim 36:8).
I might think that this also applies to
one who has yira of God? Scripture
therefore states: But the kindness of God is eternal upon those who fear Him.
(Tehillim 103:17)
Why would the Gemara assume that the difficulties in performing chesed
should be identical with the troubles encountered by those who display yira
(fear or awe) of God? What could
chesed mean in this context?
Rav Shlomo Wolbe (Alei Shor I, page 91) explains that after deeper
analysis it becomes clear that there is a shared foundation that lies at the
root of these two attributes, chesed and yira. They both center on the following
question: Where does a person focus
his eyes? What does one notice? They challenge a person to decide
whether he or she is aware that he or she is not the only one in this world and
act accordingly. As he writes:
There is one root in the soul to both of these attributes. There are those who see beyond
themselves, and there are others who do not see anything beyond themselves. The one who sees only himself is only
able to feel that which he is lacking, and therefore he lives only for his own
benefit. One who doesnt notice
others is incapable of seeing a person in need, nor will he take note of his
Creator.
He compares the individual who
is completely self-absorbed to one who is sitting in a dark room, unable to see
anything. The second one opens a
window and light comes in, one may see numerous things. So too, a person who is self-absorbed
is unable to see anything but oneself.
Only after one is able to open up can one see the other, notice the
others needs and experience the others pain.
Ones ability to respond to the needs of others is the very definition of
chesed. In a similar vein, an
egocentric individual is unable to notice God. However,
if one is willing to recognize the other, one will also become capable of
recognizing God, this recognition being the root of yira, fear and awe of
the Almighty. It is for this reason
that the Gemara connects the concept of chesed to the concept of yira;
both are attributes that may only be embraced by those who see beyond
themselves.
The idea that the focus of chesed is upon noticing and identifying
others needs is expressed in the mitzva of tzedaka, charity. The Torah speaks of the mitzva of
tzedaka as being to provide abundantly for another in need. It is not merely writing a check or
giving cash for food, but looking at what the other is lacking, putting oneself
in the shoes of the other who might have just lost a fortune and is in need of
dignity, not only money. Chesed
involves being active, noticing, and providing in a way that is truly beneficial
to the recipient.
Rav Wolbe adds that this is expressed in Rashis explanation of the above-cited
passage in Sukka. Rashi
explains the Gemaras query:
Perhaps you will think that opportunities for charity and kindness will come
effortlessly, yet this is not so: for one must devote himself with great effort
to achieve the ideal fulfillment of this mitzva.
The mistaken presumption is
that by merely jumping into the situation, one will be supplied with plenty of
deserving people; however, Rashi explains, chesed is not merely providing
physically for another, but rather putting oneself in anothers position and
truly identifying the others needs.
For this reason, chesed is not always easy, and the desire to provide
alone is insufficient.
One may provide endless sums to charity but still not perform chesed. Gemilut chasadim is
accomplished by one who really notices another, identifying others needs and
doing the utmost to provide them and then some.
This is the expression of proactive chesed, above and beyond that which
is necessary and called for, providing abundantly. In order to become a baal
chesed, a true practitioner of kindness, one must expand ones purview,
taking note of others and putting oneself in their shoes.
The Beit Ha-Levis
Recognition of Others
A fitting example of this outlook may be found in a well-known story of the Beit
Ha-Levi, Rav Yosef Dov Ha-Levi Soloveitchik ztl of Brisk. Close to Pesach, he was asked by a
woman if she could use milk for the Four Cups at the Seder, as she had no access
to wine. The Beit Ha-Levi explained
that for the Four Cups, one must have wine, but that the lady neednt worry, as
he would provide her with a sum of money ample to cover wine for the Seder.
Those around the Beit Ha-Levi noticed that the sum he gave this woman was
significantly more than what would be necessary to purchase wine, and they asked
why this woman merited to receive such a large amount of tzedaka.
The Beit Ha-Levis response showed not only his wisdom, but his tremendous care
for others, as a man of chesed.
He explained, It is very understandable that this simple woman would not
know that one needs wine for the Four Cups and not milk. However, it is impossible that she
not be aware that it is forbidden to have milk and meat together at the same
meal. If she is asking whether she is permitted to use milk, this means that she
certainly lacks meat, and probably the rest of the Seder necessities. Therefore, I provided a sum that
could adequately cover all her basic Seder needs.
Deeper Connection of
Chesed and Yira:
Looking beyond oneself, as we have seen, lies at the foundation of both
chesed and yira, but they may be connected for a different reason as
well. What will determine whether
the attribute of magnanimity will allow one to succeed in developing an ethical
personality or will breach all ones limits and boundaries as it degenerates
into negative qualities? It would
seem to be that only an attitude of chesed merged with yira will
allow one to successfully cultivate a sophisticated moral character.
The Gemara (Yevamot 79a) teaches that one of the marks of a Jew is the
trait of bashfulness, deriving this from the verse So that the fear of God be
impressed upon your face so you do not sin. (Shemot 20:17). The ethical perfection the Torah
strives for requires the consciousness of an ever-present God. The God-conscious individual is
capable of formulating a sense of balance, pinpointing where his outpouring of
chesed might actually be hurting the other.
If ones consciousness of another individual is in sync with his consciousness
of Gods presence, then one can hone his gemilut chasadim and deal with
the various dilemmas that arise.
The basic Torah approach to ethical conduct is predicated upon and grows from an
ever-present God consciousness. An
individual who cultivates this knows that there is no time for forgetting ones
interpersonal obligations, as man is truly never alone.
The Attitude of
Chesed
The Beit Ha-Levis grandson, Rav Yosef Dov Ha-Levi Soloveitchik ztl of
the United States, points out (Festival of Freedom, p. 18) that in
Kabbalistic thought, there are two movements which the Almighty engaged when he
created the world: hesed and gevura, might. The Rav goes on
(ibid. 18-19) to describe the dialectical movement required of man, who is
bidden to embody these two elements as well.
Hesed
surges forward, rushing toward parts unknown, vistas invisible, horizons
enveloped in the haze of the morning
. Gevura denotes tzimtzum,
contraction, and there are two phases of the movement. First, gevura is a movement of
recoil, away from the outside into oneself; it represents human flight from
society into the private recesses of oneself
Second, when man begins to
withdraw from positions won, he finally ends up fleeing from his own self
Sometimes man must reach out to others and implement the art of chesed,
while at other times he retreats from the community into himself. In fact, chesed is important
for the individual, but it also pushes the community as a whole to create a
society of chesed. What
exactly is this chesed?
The community of the forward moving of hesed
introduces something that
the world of beasts does not know.
Hesed denotes, in practical terms, the vastness of kindness, contributing
more than ones capacity, giving away more than one had a chance to store,
accommodating more than ones narrowly bounded existential area will permit. In short, hesed means
compulsive kindness, spontaneous sympathy.
One is impelled to give away, to let others share his possessions, to
invite strangers to partake of whatever he has. Hesed does not depend
upon the actual size of ones possessions, upon numbers and figures. It is, rather, a spiritual attitude,
a subjective experience that whatever I have (even though my means are less than
moderate if seen from an objective viewpoint) is too much for me.
The focus upon chesed
is expressed in the Jewish conception of breaking bread. At the times of the year when there
is a mitzva to consume a festive meal, the Torah (Devarim 12:7, 12)
requires that man share his food with those less fortunate. Rav Soloveitchik explains (ibid. p.
20) that this serves as a means of inculcating within man this mindset of
chesed.
Judaism says that man must eat, not alone, but within the community. However, in
contrast to Western philosophy, it insists that the community which transforms
primitive automatism into dignified activism, a natural process into a spiritual
experience, consist
of hesed-experiencing, hesed-thinking,
hesed-oriented, and hesed-questing people who cannot enjoy their food
because they feel and experience the other persons hunger, who turns their
meals into occasions for their practice of great hesed
. The meal is
basically a rendezvous with hesedor with God Himself, who is rav
hesed, abounding in hesedand as such the meal is transposed into an
exalted service.
Freedom through Torah
Chesed
does not only consist of taking note of others; through it, one may discover the
power to liberate oneself.
The Mishna (Avot 6:2) contains a cryptic teaching regarding freedom:
There is no truly free individual other than one who is involved in Torah.
The commentators explain the deep understanding of freedom expressed in this
dictum about the Torahs powers of emancipation.
However, going beyond the classic understanding, there is certainly an
element of interpersonal freedom that one may achieve through the Torahs
teachings.
In Festival of Freedom (p. 22), the Rav describes the essence of the
unique Seder meal: the eating of the paschal lamb, which requires that man join
with others in his festive meal. The
Rav explains how this is an essential lesson of Gods guiding man to realize
that leaving bondage and the world of slavery requires a new mindset with
chesed. This is the Jewish
freedom that the Torah teaches.
The ceremonial of the Passover meal, centered around the paschal lamb, aims at
the emergence of the new hesed community, for hesed is the
characteristic mark of the free man.
The bondsman is not spiritually capable of joining the hesed community,
because he is too concerned with himself, too insecure, too fearful as regards
the morrow, too humiliated to think of someone else, too frightened and too
meek
.
God did not need the paschal lamb; He had no interest in the sacrifice. He simply wanted the peopleslaves
who had just come out of the house of bondageto emerge from their isolation and
insane self-centeredness into the hesed community, where the little that
man has is too much for himself, where whatever he possesses transcends his
ability to enjoy.
It is this chesed
community, taking notice of others with a desire to share with them, which
defines the Jewish concept of chesed.
Though it is not always easy, it is our glorious tradition.
The Challenges of
Chesed
One who notices others is often confronted by challenges. It is sometimes easier to lock
oneself away, not concerning oneself with others, lest one be put in
uncomfortable situations. At the
moment one uses his outlook of chesed to take note of others, challenges
must be dealt with. What if ones
fellow is performing an action that looks to be forbidden; must one judge him
favorably, or is one obligated to reproach him?
May or must one hate his evil neighbor?
A baal chesed cannot live by the credo of live and let live, and
such a person will ultimately be faced with interpersonal dilemmas. However, the same Torah which urges
one to live a life of chesed details how one is to deal with the
questions that arise in a social setting.
This series of shiurim will be devoted to the various
interpersonal mitzvot that guide ones behavior and develop ones
character amidst the host of social quandaries that arise.
In the first year, we
attempted to focus on the philosophical background of the unique Jewish
tradition of chesed. In this
years series, we hope to focus on the specific unique mitzvot and to see
how each one fits into the overall mindfulness of the Creator which the baal
chesed must display.
We live in what has been
called by many the me generation.
In Judaism's view, the focus on the I, in a way that does not allow for the
recognition of the other, is an expression of the slave mentality. The freedom that the Torah teaches us
is inherently rooted in a mindset of chesed.
Hopefully, the study of these
laws will enable us to practice the chesed of freedom.
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