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Meaning in Mitzvot -
Lesson 90

The Funeral Procession

21.09.2014
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Accompanying the deceased on the final journey to the grave is considered one of the greatest commandments.  Other mitzvot are suspended in order to honor the departed in this way, and even Torah study may be interrupted.

 

TRUE LOVING KINDNESS

 

When Ya'akov asked Yosef to make sure he is buried in Canaan, he tells him "Do me kindness and truth, please don't bury me in Egypt" (Bereishit 47:29.)  Rashi explains that kindness performed for the dead is true kindness, since it will never be requited.  Many burial societies are called "True kindness" societies for this reason.

 

The Talmud says that one who is alongside a funeral procession and doesn't accompany the procession at least a short distance is guilty of "mocking the poor."  But if he does accompany the funeral, he is considered one who has mercy on the poor (Berakhot 18a.)  The Maharsha explains that a deceased person, like a poor person, can not requite kindness done to him.  The kindness of someone who acts solely with expectation of a reward is a mockery.

 

Rav Kook points out that the very idea of kindness to the dead, or of accompanying them, testifies to the fact that the connection between the departed and his or her family does not end at death.  Not only do we believe that the spirit lives on after death, and that it continues to inhere somewhat in the remains until the resurrection; we believe that the spirit of the departed continues to be connected to the living, and particularly to the family members (Ein Ayah.)

 

On the one hand, the departed remains connected to the living family members.  The honor they do him at his passing is considered a kindness, and mitzvot they do – particularly saying kaddish and studying Torah – are considered to elevate his soul in the next world.  The departed also visits the family during the week immediately following the funeral – the shiv'a week (Shabbat 152b; Zohar Bereishit, I:226a.)

 

Conversely, at the burial we ask the departed to be a "melitz yosher" - "a faithful advocate" - for living family members; as someone who knows them intimately, he can testify to their goodness when their acts are judged on high.

 

The soul also has a special connection to loved ones who have already entered the World of Truth.  The Zohar says that when a righteous person dies, the souls of departed family members and friends come forth to greet him as he enters the next world (Zohar Bereishit, I:218b.)

 

THE EULOGY

 

It is considered a great mitzva to eulogize the departed properly (SA YD 344.)  The particulars of this obligation impart many instructive lessons.

 

STIRRING UP GRIEF

 

The Jewish tradition is to encourage expressions of grief over the dead, not to assuage them.  The eulogizer is called upon to break the hearts of those present - there used to be a common custom to hire women who would wail mournfully at the grave in order to awaken the crowd to weeping (SA YD 344.)

 

Those present at the funeral are called upon to weep.  "Anyone who cries over an upright person, all his sins are forgiven."  These tears are so precious that the Holy One blessed be He counts each tear and puts it aside in His treasury (Shabbat 105b.)

 

We explained in many other chapters that the essence of joy is unity, breaking down the barriers between people.  Conversely, the essence of grief is separation, and there is no separation so great and absolute as death.  The halakhot of the eulogy, like other laws of mourning, encourage us to acknowledge the tragedy of separation engendered by a loved one's passage from this world to the next.

 

UNDUE PRAISE

 

The eulogizer is called upon to praise the departed appropriately, and is even permitted to exaggerate a bit, as long as the praise is not fulsome.  The commentators ask how it is that the eulogizer is permitted to stretch the truth, whereas faithfulness to truth is a basic tenet of the Torah.  There are two considerations mentioned.

 

One explanation is that we seldom find the opportunities to properly express our best traits.  The eulogizer utters praises which reflect how the departed would have acted had he had the proper opportunities (Taz YD 344:1.)

 

Another consideration is the honor of the family.  We have just mentioned that a funeral is a time when the departed is particularly connected to family members, and his reputation is particularly connected with theirs.  So if the family is especially dignified, we exaggerate the praises of the departed a bit in honor of the family (SA YD 344:5 and Shach.)

 

DIGNITY OF THE DEAD

 

The Talmud makes a fascinating distinction between those rules of mourning which are considered the "honor of the living," and those solely "the honor of the dead."  If the honor of the living is concerned, then the person can not prevent his relatives from dignifying him in this way after his passing.  For instance, leaving a person unburied is a disgrace for the living as well as for the dead, so a person who asks not to be buried is not obeyed (SA YD 348:3 and Shach.)

 

But the eulogy is considered exclusively the honor of the dead.  Only his acts are being measured and praised, and a person may decide that he doesn't want this honor, or is unworthy of it (Sanhedrin 46b, SA YD 344:10.)  Indeed, there are many instances of great scholars who asked that no eulogy be said at their funeral.  (In this case, it is usual to say praises of the scholar in an oblique way or at a stage of the proceedings where it is not technically considered a eulogy.)

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