It is a Torah commandment that Kohanim must not defile themselves through contact with, or proximity to, a dead person.  The exception is that they may – and indeed must – defile themselves in mourning for their closest relatives (Vayikra 21:1-3.)

 

PROHIBITION ON A KOHEN TO BECOME TAMEI

 

The prohibition for a Kohen to become defiled through the tum'a (impurity) of a corpse is a natural extension of the prohibition for any person to enter the area of the Temple when he is defiled in this way.  Both prohibitions reflect the special role of the Temple in the world.

 

The divine Presence, the Shekhina, is like the soul of the world.  The world without holiness, like the human body without its Divinely-given soul, is just a meaningless collection of matter.  Just as the soul doesn't dwell equally in every part of the body but rather is particularly focused in the brain, so the world's holiness is focused in the Temple.

 

To emphasize the fact that the Temple is the embodiment of life, of matter which is enlivened by holiness, we must keep away from it when we are affected by contact with death - matter which has been emptied of holiness.

 

The Kohanim (Priests) are singled out by God to serve in the Temple; they should constantly keep themselves in a state of purity which makes them fit for this duty.  The Midrash likens the Kohen to a servant who is constantly in the presence of the king in the palace (Tanchuma Emor); this supports the idea that the prohibition on defilement of the Kohanim is due to the fact that they are constantly called on to serve God in the Temple.

 

DEFILING FOR RELATIVES

 

While a Kohen may not be defiled for an unrelated person, he must defile himself as part of mourning for a close relative (Vayikra 21:3 and Rashi.)  Many commentators view this mitzva as the source of a general Torah obligation to mourn (Chinukh 264.)  This law hints at a profound connection between mourning and tum'a.

 

In chapter 161, we explained in the name of Rav Aryeh Kaplan that immersion in a mikve, which is a means of purification, has a more general message of renewing or transforming the self.  For example, immersion is an essential part of conversion (SA YD 268); it is also an important adjunct to certain kinds of repentance, which is why we immerse before Yom Kippur (MB 606:21.)

 

Renewal and repentance are also a recurring theme in the laws of mourning.  Mourning moves us to introspection, and helps us internalize the meaning of life. 

 

"It is better to go to a place of mourning than to a place of rejoicing; for this is the end of every person, and the living will take it to heart" (Mishlei 7:2.)

 

The missing loved one is an inherent part of the old personality of the mourner - his departure compels the mourning relative to take stock of his own life and create a new self.  We can find this symbolism in the mourner's obligation to tear his clothes, discarding his old persona and ultimately creating a new one – especially in the case of mourning for a parent - when the old clothes may never be repaired (See last year's column on Shemini.) Growing the hair and then cutting it in response to rebuke has a similar message.

 

For the Kohen, defilement for a dead relative amounts to an actual alteration of his personal status, since when defiled he can not serve in the Temple, nor eat teruma or challa.  So this change is an integral part of the overall process of mourning, in which the mourner's self is undermined and then recreated.  This idea is extended to all of us - the mourner should not resist the feeling that the death of a relative undermines his identity; rather, he should acknowledge this fact and use it to gradually rebuild his identity in the new reality created by his loss.

 

 

CHAPTER 203 – WHOM TO MOURN

 

The primary obligation of mourning is for parents, children, siblings, and spouse.  This is based on the Torah obligation for the Kohen to defile himself in mourning for these relatives.  A Rabbinic extension also encompasses half-brothers and half-sisters, who are not included in the Torah law.

 

As we explained last chapter, there is a close parallel between the mourning of the Kohen and that of every Jew.  The Kohen's contact with the dead disqualifies him from the Temple service for a period of seven days – the time it takes to attain purity from contact with a dead body.  During this time the Kohen experiences a loss of status and identity due to his lack of ability to serve in the Temple, which expresses his loss of self due to the demise of his family member, who has been so much a part of his identity.

 

Likewise, every Jew mourns these close relatives with a seven-day period of mourning, in which he separates himself from normal activities and alters his normal garb and appearance, to express the undermining of self and the beginning of the process of rebuilding it.

 

This psychological aspect of mourning is reflected in the law which permits mourning for other relatives or friends, if we feel the need to do so (SA YD 374:6 in Rema.)

 

A STILLBIRTH

 

There is no mourning for a baby who is stillborn.  While the parents have profound feelings of hope for the expected child, there is still no connection with the actual person.  Expressions of grief are appropriate, but not those of mourning which show an emotional tie to the personality of the departed relative.

 

A premature newborn who is in grave danger from the time of birth, and who doesn't live out the first month of life, is considered as if stillborn.  Parents often remark that they have difficulty bonding with ill premature babies, perhaps because of the fear that they may not survive.  This obstacle to bonding with such infants is one way of looking at the lack of obligation to mourn, since mourning is a way of expressing grief over the severing of exactly such an emotional bond.

 

CONVERTS

 

Family members who convert together do not mourn for each other.  Converting to Judaism is like being born again; the mikve in which the convert immerses is like a watery grave in which the old self disappears and simultaneously like a nurturing womb from which the new self emerges.  The old family relationships are no longer relevant.

 

Of course the act of conversion does not sever all emotional connections with the non-Jewish family.  Even though formal mourning customs are not obligatory, it is appropriate for a convert to honor his or her biological parents and mark their passing with some manner of mourning (See SA YD 241:9, Yichaveh Daat VI:60.)