Toldot | Love Instead of Jealousy

​Translated by David Strauss

 

 

Chazal attribute several exceedingly severe sins to Esav, including the three sins regarding which a person must allow himself to be killed rather than transgress, but according to the plain sense of the text, Esav manifests no wicked behavior, with the exception of two places: his contempt for the birthright at the beginning of the parasha; and his anger at Yaakov at the end of the parasha, which expresses itself in his intention to kill him:

 

And Esav said in his heart: “Let the days of mourning for my father be at hand; then will I slay my brother Yaakov.” (Bereishit 27:41)

 

In a certain sense, however, we can understand Esav: all his life he works hard to honor his father, giving him to eat and drink. Finally, Esav reaches the point at which Yitzchak is prepared to bless him — and in one moment, Yaakov comes and steals his life project, the berakha. He loses the blessing of "Let peoples serve you, and nations bow down to you. Be lord over your brothers, and let your mother's sons bow down to you" (Bereishit 27:29), instead being promised: "And by your sword shall you live, and you shall serve your brother" (ibid. v. 40). The one escape-hatch left to him is: "And it shall come to pass when you shall break loose, that you shall shake his yoke from off your neck" (ibid.). Even if we cannot justify his response, we can certainly understand it.

 

 

Perhaps we can understand the matter in light of the story read as the haftara on a Shabbat that falls on Erev Rosh Chodesh, "Machar Chodesh," which deals with the relationship between David and Yonatan (I Shemuel 20:18-42). After the latter’s death, David says about him:

 

 

For our purposes, if we want to understand the profound meaning of David's eulogy for Yonatan, we must examine women's love of David in relation to Yonatan's love for him.

 

First, we find the women who go out to dance when David returns after having beaten the Pelishti:

 

 

Afterwards, it is related about Mikhal, the daughter of Shaul, that she loves David,[1] and she expresses this love by helping David escape in the middle of the night from Shaul's emissaries who came to kill him. But she, too, does not contribute to Shaul's sympathy for David:

 

 

It is probably this lie that causes Shaul later to hand Mikhal over to Palti ben Layish,[2] because he thinks that her marriage to David was a mistake: Should the king's daughter be married to one who threatens her life?

 

 

In contrast, Yonatan tries to connect David to Shaul. He is not willing to waive his loyalty to either one of them, and therefore he tries to appease Shaul and bring him to show David compassion:

 

 

In the haftara, Yonatan puts his life in jeopardy when Shaul casts his spear at him to smite him — and we have already seen, at the Battle of Mikhmas,[3] that Shaul is ready to kill Yonatan for his principles — and yet Yonatan remains faithful to him in order to connect David to Shaul. However, it is specifically with Shaul that we find Yonatan's readiness to sacrifice his life for him, when he dies in the Battle of Gilboa: "Shaul and Yonatan, the loved and the pleasant in their lives — even in their death they were not divided" (II Shemuel 1:23).

 

Yonatan finds himself in a situation similar to that of Esav: he goes down from heir to the throne to viceroy. What magnanimity is required to give up that status!

 

At one of the Bible Contests, the deputy prime minister — a man with political ambitions — offered to the second-place finisher a difficult statement: "Who better than me can understand the hearts of runner-ups?" As one who aspired for first place, it was hard for him to accept the fact that he had been bypassed.

 

Nevertheless, Yonatan shows us that it is possible to withstand the test, in recognition of the role and talent of the person chosen over him to lead — all this while maintaining the two loyalties to which he is committed.

 

This is what Chazal are referring to when they speak of love that does not depend on anything.[4] Moreover, it is not strong and persevering only because of its pure motives, but also because of its background, which naturally invites hatred. Yonatan teaches us how to waive honor, and how to love and give one's soul for his fellow who is better than him. This is the meaning of: "Wonderful was your love to me, passing the love of women." For the women who loved David caused him to be hated by Shaul, whereas Yonatan in his love for him was ready to give his life for him.

 

Unfortunately, it seems that sometimes when we find ourselves in a similar situation, we respond in a manner closer to that of Esav than to that of Yonatan, and we choose jealousy over love. 

 

 

It is not by chance that the love of David and Yonatan grows on the battlefield, following the victory over Golyat the Pelishti:

 

 

The reality of a person's dependency on his fellow leads to strong bonds of commitment and loyalty that nothing can separate.

 

In the words of Chazal, we find in several places that they liken the beit midrash to a field of battle:

 

 

 

In the beit midrash as well, each student must recognize his dependence on his fellow, and thus make room for the uncompromising love that we learn from David and Yonatan.

 

(This sicha was delivered at Seuda Shelishit on Shabbat Parashat Toldot 5772 [2011].)