Blessings on Joy and Sorrow

 

The Rambam explains that there are three different kinds of benediction: (Berakhot 1:4) blessings on enjoyments, blessings on mitzvot, and blessings of praise and thanks.  The last eleven chapters have dealt primarily with blessings on enjoyments, those said before and after enjoying food, drink and scents.  This chapter and the next two deal with "birkhot ha-hodaah" - blessings of praise and thanks.

 

The blessings in our chapter are said on experiences which inspire joy or sorrow; those of the following two chapters are said on experiences which evoke wonder or gratitude.

 

Three different blessings are said on happy and sad events:

 

1.  On hearing news which is good for the individual alone, he blesses "shehechyanu," thanking God for sustaining him and enabling him to reach this auspicious moment.

 

2.  If the joy is shared with others, then the blessing on happy news is  "ha-tov ve-hametiv," acknowledging that God IS good and DOES good.  (See chapter 50.)

 

3.  When we hear bad news, we bless "dayan ha-emet," acknowledging that Hashem is "the true Judge."

 

We have explained that blessings are meant to CONNECT us to our world experience - specifically, to enable us to connect to the inner, spiritual aspect of our experience.  Therefore, berakhot are not said on Hashem's providence IN GENERAL, but rather are always connected to some specific EXPERIENCE of providence (chapters 41 and 50).  Just as we say a blessing on food only when we are about to eat, we may likewise say the blessings of praise only when the actual experience of a moving event.

 

Indeed, many authorities say that the blessing "shehechyanu" does not thank Hashem for bringing us "LA-zman hazeh" - "to this time," but rather "LI-zman hazeh" - "to the time of this." (Mishna Berura 676:1.) The blessing is said as we are in effect pointing out the source of our joy.

 

SHEHECHYANU - "WHO HAS BROUGHT US TO THIS TIME"

Unlike the blessings on enjoyments, the "shehechyanu" blessing does not refer to the event which brings us joy.  It does not even refer to the joy itself.  Rather, the blessings refers to the TIME of the event.  Indeed, this blessing is generally referred to in the Talmud as "zeman" - literally, "time."  It is said primarily on the festivals and on mitzvot which come at regular intervals, such as taking the lulav and lighting the Chanuka candles.

Important periodic events like these help give structure and volume to time.  We may recall a certain event by remembering that it occurred "around Succot" or "after Pesach."  So it is appropriate that the blessing on these events refers to the TIME of the event rather than the event itself.  In this way, the blessing augments the ability of holidays and other happy events to introduce context and meaning into the blur and whir of the passing time.

We mentioned a closely related idea in chapter 6: In his classic work, "Kuzari," (III:16), Rav Yehuda HaLevi suggests that the blessings on food and other pleasures enhance our enjoyment, by compelling us to pay attention to it.  Otherwise we might scarcely pay attention to our food.  The same insight applies to time.  Just as busy people have a way of ignoring what they eat and drink, they have a tendency to ignore the passage of time, as days drag on into weeks and years.  Saying a blessing focuses our attention and helps us find ourselves in time, rather than losing ourselves in it.

 

THE YEARLY CYCLE AND THE LIFE CYCLE

 

The timely element in the holidays and the once-yearly mitzvot is obvious.  The same is true for the yearly ripening of a seasonal fruit, which is an occasion for "shehechyanu" mentioned in our chapter (seif 14).

 

However, the wording of this blessing seems less appropriate for the other joys mentioned in our chapter, such as building a house or buying new clothes (seif 7).  After all, these joys have no fixed cycle.  This question concerned the Rishonim.  The Trumat HaDeshen (siman 36) gives a partial answer, suggesting that acquiring new clothes is also something that comes at particular times, since people regularly need new suits every so many years.

 

The Trumat HaDeshen's insight may be extended to many other occasions accompanied by shehechyanu.  Events such as a birth (seif 5), receiving an inheritance (seif 6), building a house (seif 7), or a "pidyon" (redemption) of a first-born son (164:4) don't define fixed times in the YEAR, but they ARE associated with definite stages in LIFE.  They are not part of the yearly cycle, but of the life cycle. 

 

Like holidays within the year, these are landmark events in a person's life.  We remember a historical event as being "around the time Jake was born" or "right after my mother passed away."  These events stand up to the passage of the seasons.  They are the fixed channels which guide the stream of time not the flotsam which the stream washes away.

 

HATOV VEHAMETIV

 

When good fortune is shared, then a completely different berakha is said: "hatov vehametiv," acknowledging that Hashem IS good and DOES good.  We explained in chapter 49 that shared joy has the ability to create a special bond among people.  The joy of forming this special bond, of transcending the barriers which separate human beings, in turn transcends and dominates the joy of whatever particular good fortune the partners share. 

 

It's easy to be a "good person." Basic goodness is part of human nature.  And it's easy to recognize that God is good.  Goodness is part of our basic conception of God.

 

But being a person who DOES good requires energy and activity.  It requires going outside ourselves, and this doesn't happen by itself.  Likewise, when we transcend our usual limited selves, when we overcome pettiness and are able to truly rejoice in someone else's good fortune as well as our own, then we can attain of an awareness of how Hashem DOES good, of how is presence is manifest in worldly events.

 

Since this blessing takes notice specifically of the fact that the rejoicing is shared, it helps us overcome pettiness and competition, and allows us to truly rejoice in the good fortune of others.

 

BLESSING ON THE GOOD AND ON THE BAD

 

Rav Ganzfried explains that we need to bless God even on sorrowful experiences - not just on joyful ones.  In this case, we affirm that He is the "true Judge," that even in judgement He acts truthfully and justly  (seif 2).

 

Belief in God implies belief in His goodness, even when this attribute seems inscrutable to us.  It is understandable then, why we must continue to believe in God's goodness when bad things happen, and even to constantly affirm that all that He does is for the good, as Rav Ganzfried urges us in seif 4.  But it is harder to understand why a sorrowful event warrants a berakha.  Benedictions point out special manifestations of God's PRESENCE in our everyday experience - not only a lack of His ABSENCE.  Why, then, must we recite this berakha, which merely confirms God not being absent from this world?

 

One way of understanding this requirement is to recall that our ultimate desire is for nearness to God.  We look to transcend the seemingly arbitrary dictates of physicality and see how God's will is really guiding and tending us.  Being judged is as much an encounter with God's providence as is being rewarded.  (See chapter 128.) And our Sages tell us that part of God's retribution to the wicked is REFRAINING from punishing them in this world (Taanit 11a and elsewhere).

 

Children who are starved for attention sometimes misbehave in order to provoke their parents, preferring the negative attention of rebuke to the emptiness of neglect.  As God's children, we can be accepting of, and even grateful for, sorrowful experiences if they serve as reminders that God is near.  And God-fearing people of all faiths often testify that precisely in the midst of tragedy they feel a special consciousness of God's presence.

 

THE NEXT WORLD

 

The Talmud relates that while in this world we distinguish between good and bad tidings, saying "ha-tov ve-hametiv" on the former and "dayan ha-emet" on the latter, in the World to Come there will be only "ha-tov ve-hametiv"  (Pesachim 50a).  Rashi explains that this is because in the next world there will be no bad tidings.  Indeed, the next world is "a world which is all goodness" (Kiddushin 39b).

 

We could explain further that in the next world there will only be "ha-tov ve-hametiv" because the encompassing understanding of God's providence achieved after the coming of Moshiach will enable us to see how even sorrowful events are an actualization of Hashem's goodness.

 

BOYS AND GIRLS

 

In seif 5 the Kitzur rules that on the birth of a boy the parents recite "ha-tov ve-hametiv" - the appropriate blessing for a shared joy.  He seems to imply that on the birth of a girl the  appropriate blessing is "shehechyanu"- said when the occasion for joy is individual.  (See MB 223:2.) Why is the rejoicing in the baby boy shared by father and mother, but the rejoicing in the baby girl individual to each parent?

 

Perhaps the special bond a girl has with her mother is so different from her relation with her father that the father's and mother's rejoicing are quite different.  Each can bless shehechyanu separately, but they do not bless "ha-tov ve-hametiv" together.

 

SEEING A FRIEND

 

Rav Ganzfried mentions that one occasion for saying "shehechyanu" is seeing a dear friend after a prolonged absence (seif 20.)  We pointed out above that the wording of "shehechyanu," which blesses the time, seems to require a cyclical aspect to our simcha.  Perhaps the "shehechyanu" on seeing a friend hints that meeting friends should also be a periodic activity, and that if a long time has passed, it may really be time to contact someone we love.