Other Cases Of Nidda

 

CHAPTER 156 – NIDA CAUSED BY THE HUSBAND

 

In the previous chapters we primarily discussed a woman's status of nidda stemming from her regular monthly period.  In the following three chapters we learn that other kinds of uterine bleeding also create the nidda state.

 

This chapter discusses a particular type of uterine bleeding that is extremely rare: when marital relations themselves lead to the woman experiencing her period.  In this case, relations are almost certain to take place during the wife's forbidden state, and so the couple would have to be divorced.  The wife may remarry, since another mate may not cause the same difficulty.

 

MAINTAINING A MARRIAGE

 

What is noteworthy from a practical point of view about this situation is the great lengths the Rabbis have been willing to go to prevent it from occurring.  (Some can be found in the commentaries to Yoreh Deah 187.) This testifies to the immense importance of avoiding divorce whenever it is possible to maintain marital harmony.

 

While the laws of the Torah are the laws of the Creator and hence inviolable, among these laws themselves are legal principles that enable us to be lenient in certain conditions.  At one extreme we have the principle that saving a life overrides virtually every prohibition; at the other extreme, there are some Rabbinic decrees which can even be relaxed simply in case of monetary loss.

 

The leniencies permitted in order to save a marriage seem almost as great as those permitted to save a life.  Many authorities in fact liken the two situations (See e.g. Tzitz Eliezer IX:51.)

 

One source for this approach is the ordeal of the sota.  A sota is a woman who is suspected by her husband of infidelity; if she maintains her innocence she can undergo an ordeal which vindicates her in the eyes of the law, and just as importantly, convinces the husband of her fidelity.

 

Part of this ceremony involves taking the Divine name that has been written on a piece of parchment and placing this parchment into water which the woman then drinks.  Even though erasing God's name is one of the most serious prohibitions, our Sages say "In order to make peace between man and wife, the Torah says, 'Let My name, which was written in sanctity, be erased in the water'" (Shabbat 116a.)

 

In another place the Talmud states "When a man divorces his first wife, even the altar sheds tears" (Sanhedrin 22a and elsewhere.)

 

This approach is a natural result of the appreciation of the great importance of marriage that we discussed in chapter 145.  If the Divine image is complete only in a married couple and not in either spouse alone, then destroying the marriage is tantamount to destroying a human soul.  Saving a marriage can indeed be comparable to saving a life.

 

 

CHAPTER 157 – A BRIDE

 

Another surprising category of nidda is a bride.  Any woman who becomes engaged is automatically considered a nidda and requires a seven day waiting period (at least) until she may marry.

 

The formal halakhic rationale for this rule is the concept of "dam chimud" – a rare kind of menstruation which is stimulated by the excitement of the engagement to be married.  Nonetheless, there are other dimensions to this stricture.

 

NO LICENSE FOR LICENSE

 

This rule is one of many that prevent marriage from being license for promiscuity.  While Jewish law forbids prostitution or casual relations, these prohibitions could theoretically be avoided by hasty marriages followed by immediate divorce.  A number of laws ensure two individuals "tie the knot" solely with serious intent to create a permanent relationship.  These laws include:

 

1.  It is forbidden to marry on the spur of the moment, without having made prior agreement – a shiddukh (SA EHE 26:4.)

2.  As soon as the engagement is announced, the bride is considered nidda and may not get married until she waits at least seven days (SA YD 192.)

3.  The couple may not be together until the husband has given his wife a ketuba (marriage contract), which promises her a substantial sum of money should he divorce her.

4.  They may not be together without saying sheva berakhot, the seven wedding blessings that must be recited in public.

5.  A "get" (bill of divorce) can not be written on the spur of the moment but rather only with the help of competent  Rabbinical authority.

 

But this is only a partial explanation.  Why, apart from the phenomenon of dam chimud, is the prohibition of getting married immediately after engagement expressed as a form of nidda impurity?

 

If we examine our explanation of the nidda prohibition itself, we will find that many aspects apply to a bride as well.  Like a menstruating woman who is overcoming a physiological obstacle to pregnancy, a fiancé is overcoming a practical obstacle – the lack of a partner.  While the road to getting engaged usually has an element of romance and anticipation of intimacy – hinted at in the term "dam chimud," or "blood of desire" – like the married couple before intimacy the engaged couple also needs time to develop a familial, amiable, non-romantic and non-exploitative closeness before marrying.

 

This law also guarantees that the bride will have to immerse after the engagement, clearly demonstrating that she is only purifying herself for her future husband.

 

Another reason is the significance of the "seven clean days" as a symbol of private, individual spiritual preparation ensuring that the joining of the two individuals into a single family unit does not efface their individual identities (See chapter 159.)

 

BRIDE ON THE WEDDING NIGHT

 

A virgin bride is considered a nidda after her wedding night.  Even though the hymeneal bleeding is not menstrual blood - and like other bleeding external to the cervix does not generally make a woman a nidda - there is a special stricture at the beginning of marriage.

 

We may acknowledge that this separation immediately after their first contact is a difficult trial for the new couple.  But it has the advantage of reminding the new husband and wife that while intimacy is an essential part of their relationship, they must learn from the very beginning to balance it with ordinary friendship and familiarity.

 

 

CHAPTER 158 – BIRTH AND MISCARRIAGE

 

One of the ways in which a woman becomes a nidda is by giving birth or (Heaven forbid) through a miscarriage.  The basic approach to this kind of "defilement" was explained in chapter 153.  We explained tum'a as a lost potential for holiness; this situation obviously applies to a woman who was carrying a potential human life within her, and now this life is no longer part of her - or not even viable at all.

 

Torah law states that a mother acquires a unique tum'a after giving birth.  After seven days (for a boy) or fourteen days (for a girl) of ordinary nidda, she experiences a period of weeks where she is permissible to her husband – even if she is still experiencing bleeding; but she is forbidden to enter the Temple – even if she is NOT experiencing bleeding!  At the conclusion of this period she brings a special offering in the Temple (Vayikra 12:1-7.)

 

The fact that the woman's status during this period is independent of her bleeding is in itself understandable.  After all, this is not menstrual bleeding but rather the aftermath of childbirth.

 

What is more surprising is the fact that the wife is permitted to the husband while she is simultaneously forbidden to enter the Temple.  In the previous chapters we explained that unlike most forms of tum'a which do not limit our everyday activities but only those related somehow to the Temple, nidda also forbids marital relations.  We suggested that there is a connection between the prohibitions.  Either because marital relations should be an occasion for spiritual intimacy between husband and wife (chapter 153), or because this is a time of special closeness to God, as husband and wife join with Him in the creation of a new human being (chapters 154-155).

 

Yet here we see that after the first week or two, when there is an ordinary status of nidda, the two kinds of tum'a are not coordinated.  Perhaps we can explain that the dependence of the newborn on the mother is so great that her consciousness that the infant is really no longer part of her but rather an independent human being is not fully developed for a period of weeks.  Only then can she purify herself of this kind of tum'a, which like most kinds affects only the Temple.

 

But the state of nidda which forbids her to her husband only occurs when the woman's body lets go of part of its potential for spreading holiness through reproduction – in this case, only with the actual birth and not with the gradual lessening of the infant's dependence.

 

According to this explanation, the longer period of separation for a girl suggests that the mother's identification with a daughter is greater than that with a son.  At the end of chapter 59 we saw another halakha which seems to bear the same message.

 

In any case, Rabbinical law makes no distinction between various kinds of bleeding from the womb, and so practically speaking, the normal bleeding which follows childbirth also makes a woman nidda.

 

 

CHAPTER 159 – SEVEN CLEAN DAYS

 

A particular type of menstrual discharge known as "zava" (blood discharged other than during the period surrounding menstruation) requires the woman to wait seven days from the cessation of her flow before she can purify herself (Vayikra 15:25-28.) This is different from the ordinary menstrual flow where according to the Torah the ENTIRE waiting period is seven days, even if the cessation of bleeding only occurs at the end of the seven-day period.

 

However, since ancient times the law establishes that all types of bleeding are treated alike, so that a woman's ordinary menstrual period also requires her to wait "seven clean days" after her period has completely ceased.

 

The Torah uses an unusual formation to describe this seven-day waiting period: "And she shall count herself seven days" (Vayikra 15:28.)  This doesn't alter the literal meaning of the verse, just as the expression "She got herself a new car" means the same as "She got a new car."  However, our Sages inferred that the extra word "herself" carries a message.

 

TRUST

 

Firstly, this word has a specific legal importance.  It tells us that the woman counts these days HERSELF, and that her husband must trust her without looking over her shoulder.  This law has two different levels.

 

This verse is one source for the general halakhic principle that anyone should be relied on by a fellow Jew to tell him if something is permissible or forbidden.  This law is essential for creating an environment of trust among the Jewish people.  Someone who travels to an unfamiliar community and is invited by a family for a Shabbat meal, or is informed by locals that a particular restaurant is reliably kosher, can rely on this information as long as the people seem committed to upholding the Torah laws (Ketubot 72a.)

 

But a single witness is not reliable in more serious laws.  If two people are involved in a lawsuit, a single witness is not enough to convince the court that the one owes money to the other.  And if a married woman claims that she has received a divorce, her word is not sufficient to allow her to remarry.  In both these cases two witnesses are required.

 

Even so, the husband must believe his wife regarding her nidda status.  Even though this is also partially comparable to other forbidden relations which require two witnesses (as we learned in chapter 153), it is not quite the same (Tosafot Gittin 2b.)  During the period of separation, husband and wife remember that in some manner they are family members like brother and sister, but the romantic aspect of their relationship, while it is not given expression in these days, is never quite forgotten.

 

PATIENCE AND ANTICIPATION

 

The Zohar points out that the unusual grammatical construction of the verse we just mentioned appears in another place in the Torah.  Regarding the counting of the "omer" (the seven-week period between Pesach and Shavuot) the Torah says "And count TO YOURSELVES ... seven whole weeks shall they be"  (Vayikra 23:15.)

 

After the Exodus from Egypt, the Jews were no longer under the defiling influence of the Egyptian pagan culture.  Yet they were not immediately prepared to encounter God and receive the Torah.  A waiting period of seven weeks was necessary.  The counting of weeks and days towards Shavuot creates a dual sense of patience and anticipation.  On the one hand, we acknowledge that we are short of the pinnacle of righteousness and take note of each particular rung we have ascended since Pesach.  On the other hand, the fact that the counting has a known end creates a sense of anticipation, of counting not only from but also counting towards as we look forward to the day of the giving of the Torah (See chapter 120.)

 

The Zohar suggests that a parallel situation exists with regard to a woman.  Even after the cessation of the bleeding which created her nidda status and her enforced isolation from intimacy with her husband, she is not immediately ready to return to him.  She counts, to herself and by herself, seven clean days of elevation and preparation for the encounter with her spouse.

 

This reminds us that while the Divine image is complete only when man and woman are united, (as we explained in chapters 154-155), the individual halves of this image, the husband and wife, do not sacrifice their individual identities.  On the contrary, the Torah specifically mandates a period of separation and implies that each spouse needs to make his or her own INDIVIDUAL preparations and contributions for this fusion.