Judaism and Love (3)

 

Taharat Ha-mishpacha: Jewish Marital Law

 

            In order to truly understand the laws of family purity, we must define two separate perspectives contained in this commandment.  One aspect of the commandment involves the actual laws of impurity.  The other relates to family life and the relationship between the couple.  However, there is also a third perspective.  The Talmud in tractate Sanhedrin discusses the verse in the Song of Songs: "Your belly is a mound of wheat surrounded by a hedge of roses" [Song of Songs 7:3].  Our Sages associate this verse with the laws of family purity.  "A hedge of roses" refers to the red barrier of ritual impurity, of nida.  This is the obvious explanation of our Sages' statement.  However, their explanation has a more general meaning, which is discussed by various philosophers, among them Yeshayahu Leibowitz and Emmanuel Levinas.

 

            Imagine a garden filled with lovely flowers.  A person sees these flowers, and wishes to enter the garden and pick these flowers which do not belong to him.  How do we deter him?  We erect a fence, at times even a solid wall, which bars the entrance to the garden.  Now imagine a garden which is protected by a hedge of roses.  This is our ultimate goal: we must learn to avoid breaching even a frail hedge of roses.

 

            This is the first and most significant stage in one of the most important concepts in ethics: autonomy.  Lack of autonomy constitutes an ethical problem.  The law is kept only because an authority enforces it: the police, the court, the jails and the penal system.  Judaism wishes to create individuals who choose good over evil not because of external causes such as the fear of a policeman, but because of an internal cause: his personal sense of responsibility, his respect for the commandment and its author.  The Talmud explains that the couple who desire each other will keep Jewish marital laws not because of outer pressures but because of their inner convictions.  The Torah trusts the couple and does not forbid them to be alone together at times when they may not touch.  Someone from outside the system would find this impossible to believe.  How can people overcome their greatest desires, and how may we be sure that they will keep these laws in the privacy of their own homes?  This is the meaning of the term, "a hedge of roses."  This is the highest moral level, in which man's true authority lies within himself, not in the government or police force.

 

            Emmanuel Levinas maintains that this is the central concept of the Jewish religion.  The  world cannot improve, unless this process goes hand in hand with education based on such principles as these.  Jewish law educates man towards self-control; this is the path to the improvement of the world under the divine rule.  Think of a person walking a tightrope between two mountains, high above a ravine.  The first requirement for success is self-control, control over one's body and over each of its muscles.  Society cannot exist, either, unless this self-control exists.  The rational laws and the decrees thus suit two aspects of our nature.  The rational laws suit our rational side, while the decrees suit our irrational side.  Jewish self-education is a practical process, rooted in reality.

 

The Love of God

 

            The values which we have discussed until now fashion the individual, the couple, and the community.  However, we are guided by an additional value: the desire to stand unabashed before God.  We are expected to overcome our evil inclinations in order to face our Creator with confidence.

 

            At the core of all the other relationships is the encounter with God, the commandment of love which connects us to Him.  Human love must leave some room for divine love.  R. Tzvi Hirsch Kalisher, the famed religious harbinger of Zionism, expresses the conflict between these two loves beautifully.  R. Kalisher discusses one of our Sages' legends:

 

"Rava brought a gift for Bar Sheshak in honor of his festival.  ...  He went and found him sitting up to his neck in roses, with naked prostitutes standing in front of him.

He [Bar Sheshak] said to him: ' Do you have such things in the World to Come?'

He said to him: 'Ours is greater than this!... you have the fear of the king.'

He said to him: 'What fear of the king oppresses me?'

Just then the messenger of the king came and said to him: 'Rise, for the king wants you...'

Rav Papa said: 'He [Rava] should have answered him from this verse: 'The daughters of kings in your finery, your queen stands to your right in jewelry from Ophir.' (Psalms 45:10)"

Rav Nachman Bar Yitzchak said: 'He should have answered him from here: 'No eye has seen God other than you, He will do for he who waits for him' (Isaiah 64:3)  (Avoda Zara 65a)"

 

            This legend can of course be interpreted on a simple level.  Rava and Bar Sheshak seem to be arguing over who can expect the better lot.  Is the pleasure of the Jewish World to Come greater than the pleasures of this world which the rich Persian enjoys?  Rava demonstrates that Bar Sheshak's hold on life is fragile, and the fear of the king oppresses him.

 

            R. Kalisher discusses the deeper interpretation of this story.  Bar Sheshak actually prides himself not on the pleasure itself but on the very existence of passion.  The pleasure itself cannot exist if desire is lacking.  Pleasure is only a function of desire.  And thus he says, according to R. Kalisher's interpretation [Sefer Emuna Yeshara 423 pg. 5]: "Does there exist a greater passion than I posses now, for my passion is like a burning furnace inside me ... for the passion of the flesh is greater than the passion of the  mind, since the mind does not desire things which are against the will, and the desire of the flesh overcomes the desire of the will."  To this, Rava responds: "The fear of the king oppresses you," - "for every material thing has a limit and an end."  The obligation to stand before the king caused him to completely lose his passion.  Fear overcomes passion.

 

            However, says Rava, there is another passion, the passionate love of God.  This is a passion which overcomes fear.  The fact of holy martyrdom proves this point, for martyrdom is a situation in which the love of God overcomes the fear of death.

 

 

(This lecture was translated by Gila Weinberg.)