Lo Tisna
Bein Adam Le-chavero: Ethics of
Interpersonal Conduct
By
Rav Binyamin Zimmerman
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Dedicated in memory of
Joseph Y. Nadler, zl, Yosef ben Yechezkel Tzvi
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Shiur #14: Lo Tisna
The Prohibition of Hatred
In the last two lessons
we discussed the lofty ideal of being forbearing to those who have wronged you.
But what are we to do when faced with those who mistreat us? Is silence really
always the way to go? Are we supposed to develop the personality of a dead fish?
Are we never to feel pain? If not, then what is the proper approach? Under what
circumstances is it respectable to be silent in the wake of personal attack?
A life of holiness
requires a response to these abusive individuals. The natural reaction to
mistreatment is sometimes to distance oneself from the aggressor, to feel
dislike and to hold a grudge or take revenge. On the other hand, at times one
may be tempted to keep this individuals friendship due to the attackers
popularity, wealth or influence. Aggressors may overpower the natural distaste
of their victims, buying their friends through favors. Is it tenable to do so
ethically, flattering the attacker and overlooking the misdeeds for a side
benefit? Lastly, despite the victims likely aversion, there is the option of
overcoming ones natural emotions and loving the person nonetheless. The Torah,
completely aware of this dilemma, provides the answers, and its message is
surprising and fascinating.
Do not hate (Lo tisna)
your brother in your heart. You shall certainly rebuke your comrade, and you
shall not bear sin on his account. You shall not take vengeance or bear a grudge
against your countrymen, and you shall love your fellow as yourself. I am God. (Vayikra
19:17-18)
The Holiness of Interpersonal Responses
Rav Hirsch (ad loc.) notes that the
verses in this section of the Torah require man to be "mindful of God's
presence" in his interaction with others, expressing the qualities expected of
God's people. In this context, this verse deals with the challenging situation
of dealing with difficult people.
Having presented the
fundamentals of a social life sanctified by Torah, Scripture now adds the
complement of these laws, to teach us how to relate to those of our brothers
who, we might have thought, have forfeited their right to dignity and love. To
rule out such thought, the sanctified and sanctifying word of God declares: "Do
not hate your brother in your heart."
Rav Hirsch continues that the Torah assumes
that one will naturally feel resentment towards those who have wronged him or
even to others who seem to be getting ahead of him.
Such feelings are only
natural in a heart not sensitized by the Torah; but they must not arise in our
hearts. Even if our brother has done us many wrongs
he always remains our
brother.
The Basic Questions
A number of questions now
arise. Firstly, is this mitzva meant to govern our emotional mindset? Is that
really controllable?
Secondly, the context of
the commandment is in a verse requiring one to rebuke a fellow Jew who has
transgressed some commandment. Is there any relationship between the various
subjects of the verse?
Thirdly, what is the
meaning of "in your heart"? Seemingly, if hating is forbidden, it shouldn't be
limited to the heart. Is expressing one's hatred also prohibited?
Lastly, the object of
this feeling is rather interestingly described. Throughout the chapter there are
various words used to refer to a fellow Jew, but only in this verse, the term
your brother is used. What is the significance?
Obligating an Emotional Response
The Torah here seems to
be dealing with emotional directives, dictating how a person is supposed to feel
about his colleagues, eliminating hatred and developing love.
The simple understanding
of this verse prohibits the emotional feeling of hatred towards a fellow Jew.
This puts the mitzva in the company of other commandments which seem to dictate
the mindset of a Jew, such as loving one's fellow and not coveting another's
possessions. We have dealt with this issue in relation to the former (see Year
1, Lesson 28) and have seen that some commentators feel that the simple
understanding is justified, while others feel the need to reinterpret the verse.
Similarly, regarding this
prohibition of hatred, we find a difference of opinion among the commentators
regarding the nature of the prohibition: to what degree is the Torah mandating
our physical response, and to what degree is it guiding us regarding the proper
emotions?
For this reason, some
commentators, as we shall see, may indicate that this verse is in fact
prohibiting actions to another out of hatred. An interesting approach is that of
Rav Yaakov Ettlinger (Binyan Tziyon Ha-chadashot 75) who
differentiates between two forms of hatred. Hatred of the heart is a
controlled reaction towards an individual who has injured or offended one. It is
controllable and therefore prohibited. "Hatred of the soul," on the other hand,
is instinctual and often impossible to hold back. The latter type of hatred is
not included in the prohibition.
Others understand that
the Torah actually requires people to be in control of their emotions. Regarding
this approach, in general, there is a difference of opinion: some commentators
understand that the Torah does openly dictate proper emotions and feelings to
some degree. For instance, the Ibn Ezra (Shemot 20:14) understands that
the prohibition of coveting another's possessions is commandable because it
requires one to take the proper outlook on another's possessions so that
covetous thoughts will be precluded. The Chinnukh, on the other hand, makes
clear that man can in fact control his emotions.
By the same token, the
obligation to prevent hatred, if understood as an emotional directive, seemingly
requires one either to control emotions, as the Chinnukh believes possible, or
to develop the outlook that will prevent one from coming to hate another.
Similarly, as with all emotional responsibilities, part of the mitzva is
studying the relevant information to develop a worldview and outlook which will
make it easier to develop a love of others and refrain from hating them. Often
it is developing the ability to analyze things and individuals from a frame of
reference other than ones own that enables one to change the emotional
responses to others.
Defining Hatred
Defining hatred is also
significant in this discussion. There are many people that one may dislike or
even harbor strong feelings against, but at what point does it actually become
defined and prohibited as "hatred"?
In a different context,
the Mishna (Sanhedrin 27a) defines a hater, an individual who may be
forbidden to testify against one whom he dislikes, as one who doesn't speak to
his fellow for a three-day period due to animosity. This would certainly be
prohibited universally; however, is any lesser form of hatred also excluded?
Similarly, there is discussion surrounding the Mishnaic statement (Nedarim
65b) which assumes that one violates this prohibition by making certain views.
The commentators discuss in what way a vow violates this prohibition.
A powerful explanation is
offered by the Or Ha-chayim, ad loc. He is bothered by the structure in
the verse and explains that the verse is trying to define the type of enmity
which is forbidden.
I believe that the
message is that a person should not think that the Torah only forbids the kind
of hatred which is the forerunner of acts of vengeance or violence. However, it
does not forbid harboring ill feelings towards someone in one's heart. By
mentioning the object of one's hatred immediately next to the prohibition of
hate, the Torah makes it clear that even the kind of hatred which is not related
to acts of retaliation is forbidden. As soon as one distances himself mentally
and emotionally from his fellow Jew, he begins to violate the prohibition of
hatred as defined by the Torah in this verse.
The next issue is the phrase in your heart.
The various commentators struggle with this, especially as the same verse then
goes on to lay down the obligation of rebuke. Their explanations provide diverse
understandings of the prohibition while at the same time enlightening us with
some very keen observations of human nature.
The Ramban's Understanding
The Ramban (ad loc.)
provides two possible readings of the verse; in both, he assumes that it is
utterly impossible to understand that expressing hatred is permitted. According
to the Ramban's initial explanation, there is no connection between the various
parts of the verse; according to his second explanation, there is.
Do not hate your brother
in your heart it is normal for those who hate to conceal their hatred within
their hearts, as it says "With his lips an enemy will conceal himself" (Mishlei
26:24). Therefore, the verse mentions the most common scenario.
According to this first understanding of the
Ramban, all forms of hatred are in fact forbidden. The specific mention of "in
your heart" refers to the common form of hatred, in which a person hides hatred
verbally, using friendly speech while concealing his or her true feelings for
another.
The Ramban continues by
explaining the ramifications of this understanding for the next part of the
verse, regarding the obligation to reproach one who has sinned. After this
initial explanation, the Ramban adds a second one which he prefers, which
unifies the three clauses of the verse to create a holistic approach to dealing
with those who have wronged us.
It seems to me that the
correct interpretation of the expression "You shall certainly rebuke" is similar
to "And Avraham rebuked Avimelekh" (Bereishit 21:25). The verse here is
thus stating: do not hate your brother in your heart when he does something to
you against your will, but instead you are to reprove him, saying: "Why did you
do thus to me?" Hence, you will not bear sin because of him by covering up your
hatred of him in your heart and not telling him, for when you will reprove him,
either he will vindicate himself before you or he will regret his action and
admit his sin, and you will forgive him.
This understanding of the Ramban divides the
verse into three parts: do not hate your brother who has wronged you in your
heart, rather give him gentle, constructive criticism and reprove him privately.
By doing so, you will not be responsible for his sin, because he will not
continue without knowing he has wronged you, and therefore he will be able to
either explain himself or improve his behavior.
The Rashbam has a similar
understanding, seeing this entire verse, as well as the following one, as a
single unit, expressing how one should deal with another who has wronged him or
her. He adds that the next verse forbids one to bear a grudge or take revenge
against the abuser, though we might have thought that in fact the Torah only
prohibits private, concealed hatred in the heart which doesn't give the
perpetrator a chance to change.
Do not hate your brother
in your heart if someone acts towards you in an evil way, don't appear to him
as one who loves him while inwardly plotting against him. This is an improper
way to act. Don't hate him in your heart; rather, reprove him for what he has
done. Through this you will bring about peace, and you shall not bear sin on
his account by keeping your hatred in your heart.
The Ramban's unwillingness to set down any
limitation on the prohibition of hating leads to two alternative understandings
forbidding all forms of hatred: either the Torah is speaking of standard hatred,
which is concealed, or specifically prohibiting concealed hatred which doesn't
give the transgressor an opportunity to explain himself or herself or to turn
over a new leaf. In his second, preferred understanding, the Ramban sees the
verse as a guide on how to deal with aggressors in a way that will benefit
society.
This understanding is
expressed by the Sheiltot as well, who states that the Torah forbids both
privately concealed and outwardly expressed hatred. The verse specifically
mentions hatred in the heart to inform one that all forms of hatred are
unacceptable.
The Meiri
Rav Asher Weiss (Minchat
Asher, Vayikra 42) notes that the Meiri has an alternative
understanding of the verse. The Meiri (Yoma 75a) writes:
One should ensure that
his hatred of another does not prevent him from doing good to another in any way
that he can do good, as it says "Do not hate your brother in your heart."
The Meiri would seem to understand that
hatred alone is not the focus of the prohibition; rather, a physical expression
of this emotional feeling is forbidden. According to this understanding, the
Meiri would seem to maintain that the Torah, in fact, does not forbid internal
feelings; rather, it prohibits treating a person differently because of these
feelings.
Rav Asher Weiss points to
other evidence that would support this assertion that the nature of the
prohibition is not the emotional response, but rather concretizing it through
actions of hate.
The Rambam
The understanding that
this verse only prohibits hatred in the heart is explicitly stated by the
Rambam. This understanding is mentioned both in Sefer Ha-mitzvot and
Mishneh Torah.
We have been warned not
to hate each other, as it says: Do not hate your brother in your heart." The
expression used by the Sifra (Kedoshim 2:4) is: "I have only
mentioned hatred in the heart." However, if one displays his hatred openly and
notifies the other individual that he hates him, one has not transgressed the
prohibition of hatred: though he does transgress three other prohibitions;
taking revenge, bearing a grudge and the positive commandment to love one's
fellow. However, hatred concealed in the heart is a greater transgression than
any other. (Sefer Ha-mitzvot, Negative 320)
The Rambam explains that while in no way is it
permitted to hate another openly, this in not included in the technical
prohibition of Lo tisna. This prohibition is unique to hidden hatred,
which he views as the worst of all.
Anyone who hates another
Jew in his heart transgresses a prohibition, Do not hate your brother
. The
Torah only prohibits hatred in the heart, but one who hits his fellow or insults
him does not transgress the prohibition of "Do not hate," even though this
behavior is not permitted for other reasons. (Hilkhot De'ot 6:5)
In the next paragraph, he expresses his
understanding of the verses, while explaining that the Torah is telling one how
to act when hurt by another:
When a man sins
against another, the injured party should not hate the offender and keep silent,
as it is said concerning the wicked: "And Avshalom spoke to Amnon neither good
nor evil, for Avshalom hated Amnon" (II Shemuel 13:22). Rather, it is his
duty to inform the offender and say to him: "Why did you do this to me? Why did
you sin against me in this matter?" Thus, it says: "You shall certainly rebuke
your neighbor. (Ibid. 6:6)
There is a difference of opinion as to whether
the Rambam would even exclude someone who hits another out of feelings of enmity
and hatred from the prohibition. The Kesef Mishneh (5) understands that anyone
who acts out of hatred is certainly included in the prohibition. However, the
Minchat Ani (7:2:3) notes that it is clear in the source quoted by the Rambam
that any form of expressed hatred is excluded from the prohibition, even hitting
another out of hatred. Therefore, the Rambam should be taken literally: only
hatred in the heart is subsumed under the prohibition; expressed hatred of all
forms, no matter how severe, is excluded.
This understanding
highlights the originality of the Rambam's opinion. What could be so severe
about hidden hatred that makes it more destructive than expressed emotions?
This question is of
utmost significance because the Magen Avraham (OC 156:2) and Mishna
Berura (OC 156:4) both codify the Rambam's understanding of the
prohibition as halakhically normative, specifically prohibiting concealed
hatred.
This would mean that one
who is overcome by hatred of another who has done him or her wrong is obligated
either to eradicate fully all inklings of dislike for the individual or confront
the individual. But what is so bad about dealing with one's hatred inside and
concealing it, possibly even out of the desire to maintain peace?
The Danger and Severity of Hidden Hatred
If we, in fact, are to
limit the prohibition to concealed hatred, we must understand the rationale. The
Rashbam and Ramban focus on the lack of knowledge on the part of the individual
who is unable to improve his or her ways or correct misunderstandings. The
Chafetz Chayim
(Sefer Chafetz Chayim, Introduction, Negative Commandment 7,
Beer Mayim Chayim) seconds this idea and
adds:
When hatred is concealed
and has not been expressed through action, the hated party has no method of
self-defense, and therefore more serious damage may be done to this individual.
Therefore, the Torah explicitly prohibits this form of hatred.
The Chinnukh (238) focuses on what the
unexpressed enmity does to the hater, pointing out that one who despises another
secretly will end up violating numerous other commandments:
The root of the
prohibition is known. Hatred in the heart causes great evils among people, so
that each mans sword is constantly at his brother and at his fellow. This is
the reason that people inform on each other. It is the basest trait, the vilest
to the greatest extreme for every sensible person. The details of this
commandment and the numerous prohibitions set down by the Sages serve to keep
our souls from growing accustomed to this evil trait, as explained in the Talmud
and various Midrashic sources.
If one cannot express feelings openly, one
will need to speak behind the others back and raise tensions through forbidden
speech and informing.
There is another
explanation which displays a broad outlook on the nature of concealed hatred,
focusing on the dreadfulness that is the lot of the haters, not only due to the
other commandments which they will violate, but specifically with regards to the
intensity of the hatred. The Yad Ha-ketana (De'ot 7:2:4) explains:
When one does not make
known or display one's hatred at all, this is the classic concealed hatred,
which one hides and buries in the heart. This is referred to by the Torah as
sitma, loathing, and it is a poisonous root which grows to threatening
proportions, for this is the nature of sitma. It cannot be extinguished
in ones heart at all, and it burns like a fire within one. The heart constantly
renews itself to cultivate evil against the other, further distancing their
hearts from one another. The hatred can grow so intense that one may attempt to
take the others life.
He continues that the term of sitma is
found even among brothers when, due to disagreements or misunderstandings which
calcify into hard feelings, secretive hidden hatred is left to grow and develop
into terrifying animosity and a desire to kill. For instance, we find:
And Esav loathed Yaakov
and Esav said in his heart, When the days of mourning my father grow close, I
will kill my brother Yaakov. (Bereishit 27:41)
For this reason, the Yad
Ha-ketana explains that hidden hatred is far more dreadful than upfront hatred,
as the former is outwardly invisible, but inside it continues to grow to
horrifying proportions. Any act of hatred, including hitting another in disgust,
may violate other prohibitions, but not this one; the action itself will prevent
the forbidden hatred from fully taking root. The Torah is specifically concerned
with harboring unexpressed feelings of resentment which can develop into the
most severe forms of hatred.
The Dual Nature of Concealed Resentment
In truth, both approaches
to the depravity of unexpressed hatred seem to be correct. At the same time that
hidden hatred prevents any possibilities of reconciliation and leads to more
violations, it also grows to untold proportions. It usually will lead to
speaking behind the back of the "enemy, as one lacks the ability to confront
the other who has wronged him or her. This compounds ones violations and
simultaneously intensifies the severity of ones feelings.
Ultimately, concealing
hatred may lead to an explosion. The hater may suddenly unleash a torrent of
fury, berating another for years of supposed abuse, made all the worse by the
fact that it has been veiled by apparent love for a long time. The hated party
may not even be aware of the crimes, mutated beyond recognition through the
driving force of hatred stoked beneath a pleasant facade.
This clearly explains the
severity of this prohibition; as the Rambam indicates, Lo tisna is a
far greater transgression than expressing hatred.
Many times, individuals
develop a hatred which, for whatever reasons, they feel they are unable to
mention publicly. They have been hurt, but they do not wish to make a big deal
out of it. While one might at first view this position as noble, the Torah is
unequivocally telling us that silent hatred is not an act of piety, but a
dangerous course. The wronged individuals must either completely erase any hard
feelings or state that they have been hurt and would like redress.
Permitted Hatred?
While this verse states
unequivocally that one is not permitted to hate a fellow Jew, the issue is more
complicated. Firstly, the term used in the verse, your brother, must be
understood fully. To what degree does it include all Jews, and to what degree is
it restricted? Secondly, elsewhere in the Torah, we find individuals who are
described as hated in a permitted context.
In next week's lesson we
will discuss the meaning of your brother and its implications for dealing with
sinners.
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